sock monkey

During our Black Friday gallivanting, we stopped at Target at 1:00am. I was mesmerized by a display of Sock Monkeys that sing and dance to the song “Dynamite.”

The peculiar thing is that I don’t really like that song, and I find Sock Monkeys to be fugly, creepy, and deeply disturbing. But somehow the combination was a Win, and I HAD TO HAVE IT.

The last thing I needed was another toy. I already have a Slinkie, plastic zebra, squeaky alligator, and a stuffed puppy that does backflips, et cetera. I don’t need more toys. So I figured it’d be best if I rented him instead – you know, like, go to Target and just play with him there.

It was surprisingly difficult getting someone to accompany me to Target to rent a dancing Sock Monkey. Best Friend would’ve tagged along, but she was already out with HER BOYFRIEND. Normally we like him, but for Sock Monkey renting purposes, he was totally raining on my parade.  Thus ensued a brief texting conversation that I will summarize for you here:

Friend’s Boyfriend: YOU CAN’T HAVE HER!
Me: you poopface. my sock monkey will kill you in your sleep.
Friend’s Boyfriend: poopface? yeah. i smear poop on assassins. i hope you like smelly monkeys.

Long story short, I bought the monkey and plan to terrorize Friend’s Boyfriend with itfor the rest of our lives. The End.

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