You are like tiny prisons for my feet. On nights when it’s freezing in the apartment (read: less than 75 degrees) my body demands you, like “SOCKS OR DIE!!!!” But then I wake up an hour later, sockless and cold. It’s like my feet considered the options and figured they’d rather end up like the frostbitten black foot on Mr. Deeds than have to wear a Sock.
The only decent excuse for wearing Socks is to go bowling, since you have to wear those clown-like rental shoes. Which is probably why I never go bowling. That, and the fact that I am a terrible bowler. I can’t handle the walk of shame from the lane back to my seat. Everyone watches and supportingly says things like “Yay! Good job! You got three whole pins down!” which is really code for “You suck at life.”
On second thought there is another legitimate reason for wearing Socks, and that is in case you need to use the bathroom while out in the woods. Especially if you’re a female. I’m not saying I’ve done it. But I have. Now that I’ve said too much this would be an awesome time to mention that I still have a cold and am possibly being influenced by homemade medicine. Therefore no one can hold any of this against me. Although sometimes I post stuff that is way too weird and I think everyone will hate it but then it turns out they really like it. Like this post about pus. So I will have no apologies for blogging in my medicated state. Take that, sucker!
What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. Socks. Socks, I hate you.