Dear 5:00 AM,
It’s been a long time since I’ve been awake to see you and I remember why: there’s just nothing good going on at that time. I know because a sore throat woke me early this morning. Here are the only events that took place:
- Awoke with sore throat.
- Realized there was something stuck to my back. It was a cough drop. I must’ve fallen asleep with that in my mouth. Coulda choked and died.
- Crawled out of bed and piled on several extra layers of clothing because 5:00am is a FREEZING awful time of day. Checked thermostat: it read 74 degrees of coldness and despair. Florida has made me weak.
- Blindly poured a glass of water and spilled it all over the kitchen floor. Didn’t clean it up. Grabbed a popsicle, crawled back to bed, and realized I couldn’t fall asleep.
- Text messaged Husband at work because he was the only other person awake. I told him of my woe. His charming reply: “poops and farts. poops and farts! i love you, get some sleep.” I fell asleep fearful I would dream about flatulence and wake up with a popsicle in my hair.
As you can see, it was relatively pointless to be awake to greet you, 5:00am. Hopefully our future meetings will find me fast asleep.