dear monopoly

Dear Monopoly,

I have nothing but horrible memories of you, you sorry excuse for a board game.  Just the thought of you brings back intense feelings of fear and inadequacy.

As a child I would always get suckered into playing your game with my older siblings.  They used to form alliances and then gang up on me – Brother would buy Park Place, and Other Brother would buy Boardwalk.  They would stock up a bazillion little hotels and then just wait until I landed on their territory.

I don’t recall any other details about the game, except that it seemed to go on forever and always ended the exact same way: one of us would erupt in a fit of rage and throw your pastel-colored Monopoly money all over the place.  Total chaos would ensue.  I inevitably wound up sitting directly on top of the board, screaming and wailing, until Mom came to my rescue.

To this day I must seriously question the judgement of anyone who willingly chooses to participate in your game.  I haven’t played since 1993 and I don’t plan on doing it ever, ever again.

Love, Me

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