Monthly Archives: November 2010

dear waiter…

Dear Waiter, First you were just a little bad, and it wasn’t a big deal.  Then you were so significantly awful that everyone got their meal for free.  Awesome.  Can we do this again next week? Love, Me

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dear self…

Dear Self, I am going to start tricking you, but I do not want you to take it personally. Until yesterday, it had been a month since you bought groceries.  This is bad because we ran out of food about 2 weeks … Continue reading

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dear monopoly

Dear Monopoly, I have nothing but horrible memories of you, you sorry excuse for a board game.  Just the thought of you brings back intense feelings of fear and inadequacy. As a child I would always get suckered into playing your … Continue reading

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dear black friday…

Dear Black Friday, While everyone is using you to purchase things they can’t afford anyway, I am going to take some time to just be thankful for what I have.  Besides, I never stopped to be thankful yesterday because I was too busy … Continue reading

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dear pepsi…

Dear Pepsi, Hi, liquid crack.  That was quite the buzz you gave me tonight.  Before you, I was a productive participant in decorating the church for Christmas.  After you, I was a mad woman rolling on the floor in a desperate … Continue reading

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dear banana pudding…

Dear Banana Pudding, Boss saw you sitting in the break room. He stole you. He ran away with you and took a big bite, and that’s when he noticed: you were not really Banana Pudding. You were cold Cream of … Continue reading

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dear retractable auxillary cord…

Dear Retractable Auxillary Cord, You are the new link between iPod and Car, and I so appreciate you for that.  I was very excited when I found you yesterday, because my last cord was not retractable and that was a … Continue reading

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dear ex-boyfriends…

Dear Ex-Boyfriends, I am an expert at only remembering things I want to remember. This is why I have erased roughly 90% of everything I’ve ever known of any of you (sorry; that’s just what happens when you get married). … Continue reading

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dear possibly-my-former-teacher…

Dear Possibly-My-Former-Teacher, I keep seeing you around town and it’s weird. You look a lot like one of my teachers from high school. Everytime I see you, I get the urge to ask — just so I can know. But … Continue reading

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dear anonymous bug…

Dear Anonymous Bug, I want to say “thanks” for the ruckus you caused the other night.  Your timing was impeccable – it was late and dark and only girls were left in the restaurant.  What a perfect opportunity to make your appearance.  The girls screamed and … Continue reading

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