Dear Stupid People,
I don’t know how, but I’m pretty sure every one of you within a 5 mile radius came into my job yesterday. Or called. Or emailed. My poor brain was overloaded by the amount of stupidity that had to be endured. It was torcherous. I’m sure if one more person had come in I would have flipped my lid, swam to Mexico, and never came back. Which is a huge thing for me to say because I don’t know how to swim. And I’m really scared of sharks.
Today is Friday and it’s supposed to be my easy day, so I really hope none of you come back. Wait – that’s unrealistic because Stupid #5 already told me yesterday that he was coming back today. OK, he’s the only one allowed. The rest of you are just going to have to get over it.
I know it’s probably not your fault that you’re stupid, but could you at least be a little more discrete about it? ‘Cause screaming nonsense just gets everybody worked up and I almost had to drink 3 Frappuccinos last night just to make it all go away. My thighs can’t afford to do that.