Dear Flat Shoes From Target,
You are so quiet! You do not make loud noises in the office when I walk. You are so much quieter than my high heels. This is won-der-fuuuul! This makes it easier for me to hide chocolate. I’m sure there are a million other advantages to having quiet shoes, too. I will discover them in time. I have never owned flat shoes before. Flat flip flops, yes. Flat sneakers, yes. But never a quiet work shoe.
I feel stealthy like Pocahontas. No one can discover my whereabouts. They do not hear me coming because of you, Flat Shoes From Target. Oh the possibilities…
Oddly enough the quietness of my shoes makes me become loud in other ways, like by singing “My feet don’t make noise, my feet don’t make noooissse!” No one else in the office appreciates my song, but I love it. I love YOU. I love you, Flat Shoes From Target.
And did I mention you were cheap?