dear breathing…

Dear Breathing,

Sometimes I forget how you work.  I could be doing anything, and then all of a sudden, I think “Oh my gosh! I am not breathing. Wait – How does it go again? AHHHHH.” I thought maybe this was a normal thing. But then I asked my friend and he said it’s never happened to HIM before.

Then he explained to me how Breathing works and I found out according to him I HAVE BEEN DOING IT WRONG THIS ENTIRE TIME.  Supposedly you are supposed to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth… WHAT?! That doesn’t make any sense to me. That means I cannot breathe while eating. Or kissing. Or being at the dentist.

Clearly I need Google’s wisdom to clear this one up.

Oh great. Google gave me an article called “How To Do  Alternate Nostril Breathing” that says I am supposed to breathe in through my left nostril and out through my right nostril. HOLY COW that is confusing. And awkward at business meetings. Or anywhere in public, really.

Y’know what, Breathing? We’re just gonna do this my way. The way that’s been working for me for 24 years. And if I forget how to do it again, that’s OK. Worst case scenario is that I will pass out from lack of oxygen, but then unconscious me will remember Breathing. Right?

Love, Me

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3 Responses to dear breathing…

  1. Anonymous says:

    I’m so lost. How do you breath in through your left nostril and out of your right?! I’m concentrating super hard but this is very difficult! You’re gonna have to show me sometime.

  2. Anonymous says:

    And you’re suppose to always breath like that? That’s a waste of an entire hand if you do nothing but switch it between nostrils all day long.

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